The top five reasons James Trehorn was chosen as chair for
the Picchu! Art of the Ancient Incas Opening Reception
Work Team:
1. Sexual ambiguity. Much collective energy at the museum
had been spent trying to determine if James was gay or straight,
homo or hetero. In five years, no one had come up with anything
conclusive and this served to heighten his overall attractiveness.
Everyone loves a good mystery. James frequently wore tweed
jackets and bow ties but he had no literary aspirations;
to anyone’s knowledge he was not enrolled in an MFA
program nor did he write poetry and perform it at coffeehouses
around town (although if he had, it would have been guaranteed
at least 30 people from the museum as audience.) On the
other hand, he mentioned having dates with women and had,
in fact, shown up to the opening of the Monet exhibit, Haystacks
and Water Lilies, with a slim woman named Anna, causing
quite a bit of whispering. But then he went overboard and,
once properly drunk, frenched her in front of Rouen Cathedral.
Princepessa Scott summed it up best when she asserted, on
the Monday morning after the opening, “It was like
he had something to prove!”
2. Discerning taste. James let it be known, through casual
but careful conversations, that the debacle of the Living
Statues hired for the ancient Greek sculpture exhibit Measure
of a Man, would not be repeated. The most important
person he told this to, while fixing a pot of green tea
in the staff lounge, was Carlotta Carvel. She was the most
vocal about the Statues, claiming that one goosed her at
the party while she was talking to Camille, The Director’s
wife, although Camille, the only other witness, remained
curiously silent on the subject. In any case, Carlotta did
end up slapping the Living Statue and calling his performance
“low rent.” James intimated that his tastes in
entertainment went more towards the traditional. More than
one person claimed that the words “jazz quartet”
had been bandied about.
3. Fiscal responsibility. The budget for Measure of
a Man’s opening reception had blown apart, with
rampant spending on the Statues, on oxygen bar and a maze
constructed entirely of silk gauze. It was time to tighten
museum purse strings and, when faced with the prospect of
being fiscally conservative, most people look to the person
in the room wearing the bow tie. Although no one could really
speak to how James would handle the funds, they pointed
to various indicators that implied financial security –
clean fingernails, well-tailored pants, a fondness for shopping
at Whole Foods and the ability to purchase, on the very
day it came out, the Barbra Streisand: All My Best
DVD box set (all of Barbra’s movies with the exception
of Yentl.)
4. Good looks. There was no denying that everyone involved
with the work team wanted someone attractive to stare at
during the two-hour meetings, so as to pass an easy 15 or
20 minutes lost in a daydream about steamy sex on top of
a rumpled tweed sport coat. Who better to appease both sides
of the aisle than James?
5. Politics. Don’t forget that James was the assistant
to The Director and as such had his slender fingers in every
pie, from parking to how much of a discount staff would
receive in The Museum store during Appreciation Week. (Some
used the fact that, since James’ tenure as assistant,
the percentage of discount had risen from a very standard
15% to a heady 25 % as more fodder for the sexual ambiguity
question stated in point #1.) In any case, it was good to
be on James’ side, to champion him, bring him an eclair
every now and then and ask how his weekend ski trip went.
As with any machine, The Museum required a lot of grease.
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