Not you, of course, gentle reader. If you have the sense to be reading this site, we love you with everything we've got. You're clearly an intelligent person with discerning tastes, and, no doubt, a unique personal style. But can we agree that at least 80% of humanity are total shits? Of course we can. Consider:

-- the two guys cruising around south Minneapolis in a sputtering Geo Metro, bearing a large sticker claiming to be “INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST HUNTING PERMIT #91101.”

-- the couple having a noisy-to-the-point-of-frightening domestic dispute in the parking lot of Cub Foods, complete with door-slamming walk-offs and crazy pursuit-driving.

-- the endless parade of murderers, rapists, and generic scumballs trotted out every night on the local news.

-- and, as far as that goes, the suits who decide that lowest-common-denominator news programming featuring murderers, rapists, and scumballs is the way to go.

-- any dickhead who takes it upon himself (or herself) to stand up for cars' rights by yelling or throwing things at bike commuters.

-- rollerbladers.

-- self-righteous political bloggers (double points for the ones who hide behind noms de plume; and triple points when the noms are weirdly homoerotic, like Powerline's “Big Trunk” and “Hindrocket”).

-- the apparently limitless number of fools who constantly bombard the American Nerd email accounts with offers to e*n*l*a*r*g*e our p*e*n*i*s or to hook us up with hot Russian milfs.

--we hate to harp on this, but The Rube.

-- Christ, doesn't the whole Paris Hilton phenomenon just prove that we, as a species, are way overdue for some cleansing by fire? How about if we throw in Britney Spears and the existence of the Fear Factor franchise? Convinced yet? People suck.