Phoebe looked at Karl.

“I'm here for Corey's bachelor party,” she said. “With Kali.”

“I'm here for the party, too.”

All around them, men pressed forward to get to the burgers being doled out by the Bunz girls.

“I was on my way to the bar,” Phoebe said. “I need a drink.”

“I guess I should head back that way,” Karl said. “Now that I've spilled my beer. Do you mind if I tag along?”

Phoebe shrugged, figuring she had little choice. When they finally pushed their way up to a place they could get service, Karl ordered a drink for both of them.

“So,” Karl said, “is alcohol one of the approved carbs?”

“What?”

“The diet?”

“Oh,” Phoebe reddened, trying to gauge whether Karl was sincere or not. “I guess I'm off the diet, for tonight.”

“That's good. I mean, everyone needs to have fun.”

“Are you having fun?”

Behind them, a man belched and his friends laughed.

“Well, it has its moments. The party bus was fun, until Corey turned on the porn.”

“Oh, no porn for you?”

“No thanks.”

“I thought all men loved porn.”

“I'd rather be with a woman than look at pictures.”

This forced Phoebe into silence, groping for something to say.

“I'm sorry about my roommates the other night,” Karl said, filling the void. “Was that annoying?”

But before Phoebe could answer there was a rush behind them, as men abandoned their bar stools and ran towards the stage, chanting, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

“What's going on?” Phoebe asked.

One of the men next to her jumped up on the bar and peered into the fray in the next room.

“Two chicks are pulling each other's hair out!”

“Kali!” Phoebe said, jumping up.

---

Kali and the Bunz who minutes before gave Corey the special dance were locked together, each clutching the other's hair and yanking so that both their heads were straight back, eyes on the ceiling, as they writhed over spilled burgers. Ketchup and mustard covered Kali's clothing and the front of the Bunz' micro shorts.

“You bitch!” Kali screamed. “Leave him alone. You only want him because you recognize him from The Apprentice!

“I was just doing my job,” the Bunz cried, tears streaming down her face as Kali came away with a fist-full of bleached hair.

Both of them paused to look at the hair, which was an incredible chunk to extract just by pure brute strength. Phoebe thought she saw some scalp still attached to it but didn't have time to look more closely before Corey knelt down and swept the lock away while trying to pull them apart.

“Listen, don't fight over me,” he said. “I'm getting married.”

“Stay out of this,” Bunz said and sunk her claws into Kali's cheeks.

This prompted Kali to do the same, except on the Bunz' lower cheeks.

“That's my livelihood,” the Bunz screamed as angry red lines appeared on her fleshy tissue. “You're going to fucking scar them!”

At this point, three bouncers who had been standing back to watch the fight decided to get involved. They tried to unlock the women with no success, so each grabbed some limbs and started to drag, pulling Kali, Bunz, burgers and buns across the gritty floor.

“OK, folks, fight's over. Everyone get back to drinking,” a bartender announced through a bullhorn kept behind the bar just for that purpose. “And eat more burgers!”

Men drifted away, leaving Phoebe and Karl standing with Corey and the rest of the museum crew.

“Listen,” Daryl Zander from Exhibit Installation said. “I don't think my wife would be cool with this. I should be getting home.”

“We'll go somewhere else,” Corey said. “Come on, guys, its my bachelor party.”

“Kali was my ride,” Phoebe said.

“You can ride the bus with us,” Karl said.

“No girls allowed,” Corey said, pouting.

“Corey, don't be a dick,” Karl said.

---

Everyone got back on the party bus. Corey opened up several bottles of champagne and passed them around, then fiddled with the DVD player.

“Any requests?” he asked.

James Trehorn pushed his way up to the front.

“How about that Pushin' Timber one?” he asked. “With the lumberjacks?”

“Man, that's gay porn,” Corey said.

“Porn's porn,” James said and shrugged, although he did look chastened.

“I knew it,” Phoebe said.

James turned to look where she sat with Karl.

“What are you doing here? Applying for a job, perhaps? But that's right, they want women with attractive asses, not swinging bags of fat.”

“What would you know about my ass?” Phoebe asked, forgetting that it had been exposed for several hours on his bathroom floor.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” the men on the bus cried.

“I've seen plenty of good-looking asses in my day, but yours isn't one of them. Its a shame you try to squeeze it into those pencil skirts.”

“What straight man knows what a pencil skirt is?” Phoebe cried.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” the men chanted and chugged champagne.

“Look, you guys...” Karl said.

“Are you going to let him talk to me like that?” Phoebe asked, turning on Karl.

Karl looked confused. “Well, I... I don't know. I don't understand...”

“Jesus Christ!” Phoebe said. “I'm getting off this bus.”

But they were on the highway and the driver wouldn't stop and let her off. So she sat on the steps that led down to the door, arms crossed, waiting until they arrived downtown while the men watched Pushin' Timber and made gagging sounds. Karl tried to kneel down and talk to her, but she pushed him away. At the first opportunity, she made the bus stop and got out. She turned around to see if Karl had followed but the bus was already pulling away. Karl stood in the doorway, his hands pressed to the glass. Towards the back, someone lowered a window and James stuck his head out, delirious with liquid courage.

“Try not to pass out anywhere!” he yelled.

Phoebe gave him one solitary, lonely finger.

NEXT