In this ongoing series, punishment-glutton Jonathan Shipley chronicles his attempts to be rejected by America's finest publications.

From: Jonathan Shipley
To: [REDACTED]@vogue.com
Subject: Vogue (Ed Submission)

Hello,

I've been a loyal Vogue reader for thirty two years. There's nothing I like more that reading about the latest in fashion, news, entertainment, and pop culture within Vogue's glossy pages. Being a fashion designer, it stirs my soul, reading your magazine, and gives me a muse, if you will, to create dazzling fashions that I hope, some day, will grace Vogue's glossy pages.

That said, I've attached a story that I hope you'll be able to publish in a coming issue of Vogue Magazine. Let me know either way.

Thanks again and be sure to have a marvelous day.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon, WA

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VOGUE SUBMISSION
by Jonathan Shipley

YO! Join the latest dance craze and learn how to VOGUE in SIX EASY STEPS!

Step 1 – Get Your Face On!


Step 2 – Strike a Pose!


Step 3 – Kick Up Your Heels!


Step 4 – Grow Some Extra Arms!


Step 5 – Beat Someone With a Stick!


Step 6 – Dance with a Chicken!

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Alexandra [REDACTED] wrote:

Dear Jonathan Shipley,

Thank you for your interest in Vogue. Unfortunately, the proposal that you have submitted is not quite right for us at the present time.

Nevertheless, we wish you the best of luck in placing your ideas elsewhere.

Sincerely,
The Editors

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Dear Alexandra,

Thanks for the note back. You said that my proposal "is not quite right for us at the present time." Does that mean that you'll publish it later? That'd be awesome, because, you TOTALLY want to publish this story.

Vogue dancing is the latest thing. Have you been to a club and seen it? Last Friday I went to Mr. Van Swede's Dance Kitchen downtown. It was rockin' cool! They put on this song and I yelled in my dance cage, "YO! YO! HOMEY! LET'S VOGUE!" And I swear EVERYONE (13 people) Vogue danced. It's infectious, this Vogue dancing. Have you seen it or done it yourself? It's liberating! Last Saturday I went to Wasserman Dance Studio and taught a Vogue dance class. It was well attended (3 people). I'm also teaching it this weekend at two locations (senior citizen center, leper colony).

Let me know if you'll be able to publish it in a distant future issue. Seriously, Vogue dance IS the thing right now, you don't want to pass it up. Neither did the lepers.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon, WA