In this ongoing series, punishment-glutton Jonathan Shipley chronicles his attempts to be rejected by America's finest publications.

Jonathan Shipley to IDEditor

Dear Editor,

I've been a doula for three years. What a great joy to do something so worthwhile and so fulfilling! To see babies come into the world is a miracle each and every time I assist. I truly believe this is my calling, to give non-medical assistance during childbirth. God has blessed me!

All that said, there's nothing I like more than reading International Doula Magazine. Your recent articles, including Jackie Kelleher's "Defining Night Time Doulas" and Shannon Williams's "Avoiding Unwanted Pain Medication" were both well-written and informative!

Attached, please find an article I've written that I hope you'll be able to publish in a coming issue of International Doula.

Thank you and have a great weekend.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon, WA

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NTERNATIONAL DOULA MAGAZINE SUBMISSION
By Jonathan Shipley

”Are you kidding me? I would totally help a woman giving birth better than you ever could!”

”What are you smokin’? I’d destroy you with my well-rounded, well-honed skills in birth assistance. You wouldn’t even stand a chance!”

”The hell I would. I’ve helped deliver a breach birth.”

”So what? I had to do a breach in a wind storm when the power was out.”

”Big deal. I’ve helped a woman who had a breach on a boat during a storm when waves crashed over the sides of it.”

”You call that, what? Impressive? I helped a breach on a boat during a storm when it was sinking and the woman was half-submerged in frigid water.”

”Whoopee doo! What do you want? A medal? I once helped a woman deliver twin breaches on a submerged boat in frigid water when three sharks bit, dragged, and ate her coaching husband.”

”B.S.!”

”It’s true!”

”Total B.S.! You did NOT do a birth assist amid hungry sharks.”

”Well there’s only one way to settle this. I challenge you to a doula!”

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Stephanie [REDACTED] wrote:

Dear Jonathan,

Thanks very much for your kind words about the International Doula.

Though I don't have an appropriate place in the International Doula for your submission, I think it could be considered for DONA's eDoula e-mail newsletter, which contains a section called "TomDoulery". It would most likely need to be edited/shortened.

I have copied your submission to eDoula Editor Kimberly Putney.

Warmly,
Stephanie [REDACTED] CD(DONA)
Managing Editor
DONA International Doula

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Jonathan Shipley to info, Newsletters

Hi Stephanie [REDACTED] CD(DONA),

Thanks for the note back. I'm glad you liked my submission to International Doula and I'm thrilled that it might be included in your eDoula newsletter in that delightful section called "TomDoulery". If and when it's "published" could you send me the link? That'd be wonderful.

By the way, you have a very interesting last name - CD(DONA). What derivation is that? Greek?

Thanks again and have a marvelous day.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon WA