In this ongoing series, punishment-glutton Jonathan Shipley chronicles his attempts to be rejected by the world's finest publications.

From: Jonathan Shipley

To: ergonomics@[REDACTED].ac.uk

Subject: Ergonomics (Submission)

Hello,

I've been in the ergonomics industry for five years, concerning myself mainly with overall performance in regards to the video game industry, i.e. joystick control, eye strain, etc. for players of said games. It is a rewarding study and one that I'm proud of.

Ergonomics magazine is one publication I always turn to. Gareth Shepherd, Roger Kahler, and Jean Cross's recent article "Ergonomic design interventions - a case study involving portable ladders" was well-written and informative.

That said, I've attached a story that I hope you'll be able to publish in a coming issue of Ergonomics. Let me know either way.

Thanks for your time, efforts, and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Jonathan Shipley

Vashon WA

---

ERGONOMICS MAGAZINE SUBMISSION, by Jonathan Shipley

A Poetic Ergonomic Haiku Chain

Ramazinni wrote

“De Morbis Artificum”
Thanks Father Ergo!

Physical ergo

Sit in your chair properly

No kinks in the neck!

Cognitive ergo

Engineering psycholo

Gee! Interaction!

Organization

Al, Ergonomics is great!
Optimized systems.

Workstation layout

My desk just so. My mouse here.

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Have good posture now

Or else you’ll have bad back pain

Serious, sit up!

Ouch, carpal tunnel
Please, pain, just leave my wrists, ‘kay?
Tippity type type.

I’ve got some eye strain

From staring at computer
No more porn for me!

Stand up now. Stretch out.

You’ve been in that cubicle

Too long. Dilbert rules.

I need a massage

Work masseuse come to me now!
Yeah, yeah, ooh, right there.

---

Rob Stammers [ergonomics@[REDACTED].ac.uk]:

Dear Jonathan,

We have read your manuscript, A Poetic Ergonomic Haiku Chain, with interest, but I am sorry to say that we do not think that it is appropriate for Ergonomics. An more appropriate outlet for your item would be The Ergonomist (Newsletter of the Ergonomics Society). I suggest you send your poem to them:

Editor: Tina Worthy
Email: [REDACTED]@TheErgonomist.net

Best wishes,
Rob Stammers
Professor Rob Stammers
General Editor, Ergonomics
School of Psychology
University of Leicester

---

Jonathan Shipley to Rob

Dear Mr. Rob Stammers,

Thanks for your note back. That's too bad that you won't be able to use "A Poetic Ergonomic Haiku Chain." There's nothing I love more than haiku poetry, except maybe, of course, ergonomics! I LOVE ERGONOMICS!

Thanks for the idea to send along my piece to The Ergonomist! What a great idea! I've always enjoyed their publication and the editorial skill of Tina Worthy. She's, as you know, is "worthy" of many awards for her fine editing and superb publication!

Have a wonderful weekend and thanks again for your interest in my haiku poems.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon, WA

---

Rejected by Ergonomist Magazine

Hello Ms. Worthy,

My name is Jonathan Shipley, a ergonomist for the past 8 years. There's nothing that brings me better joy than my job, my job in ergonomy, and its many fascinating facets!

That said, there's nothing I like better than reading issue after issue of The Ergonomist. Rob Stammers, General Editor of Ergonomics, suggested I contact you in regards to placing a story with you. Let me know if you enjoy the attached and if you'll be able to use it. Oh, I hope so. There'd be no greater thrill for me than to be published in your fine periodical.

Thank you for your time, efforts, and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon about this exciting possibility.

Jonathan Shipley
Vashon WA

---

THE ERGONOMIST MAGAZINE SUBMISSION, by Jonathan Shipley

A Poetic Ergonomic Haiku Chain

Ramazinni wrote

“De Morbis Artificum”
Thanks Father Ergo!

Physical ergo

Sit in your chair properly

No kinks in the neck!

Cognitive ergo

Engineering psycholo

Gee! Interaction!

Organization
Al, Ergonomics is great!
Optimized systems.

Workstation layout

My desk just so. My mouse here.

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Have good posture now

Or else you’ll have bad back pain

Serious, sit up!

Ouch, carpal tunnel
Please, pain, just leave my wrists, ‘kay?
Tippity type type.

I’ve got some eye strain

From staring at computer
No more porn for me!

Stand up now. Stretch out.

You’ve been in that cubicle

Too long. Dilbert rules.

I need a massage

Work masseuse come to me now!
Yeah, yeah, ooh, right there.


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