The Declaration Regarding Material Assistance/Nonassistance to a Terrorist Organization

I...I just don't have the words.

The Declaration Regarding Material Assistance/Nonassistance to a Terrorist Organization is a form designed to weed out terrorist supporters who may be applying for public employment in the Great State of Ohio (the land of my birth). Just fill out the demographic information and answer six simple yes or no questions.


Well, that's great! If they catch even one terrorist--oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Are they serious?? As if they're actually prepared to scramble G.I. Joe if someone checks "yes" to any of these questions. With "strategery" like this, is it any wonder Osama's still safe and sound in his little desert Terrordrome?

"Very funny, Don," you might say. "Nice Photoshopping." Think again.
--Don Pizarro