He’s the Yogi, I’m the Actor.

“As an actor I enjoyed Ali, but Bad Boys is more me in terms of the cars and those tight T’s.”--Will Smith

This February, India saw the premiere of Indian Idol and the launch of Pix, an English-language movie channel. And who was the American ambassador for this cultural cross-pollination? None other than that Bad Boy himself, Will Smith.

Americans, thanks to media coverage from the likes of National Geographic and the availability of films through Netflix, have seemed more responsive to exports from Bollywood--Hollywood’s sister city in India. In true American spirit, we are returning the favor. It’s kind of like Thanksgiving, but instead of squash and smallpox, it’s about sharing chicken tikka masala and Big Willie Style.

At first, this seemed like potentially good news for the American film industry. With Smith looking to make films in India, maybe this will pay off for viewers here. Maybe they’ll keep him. And then we can export Lindsay Lohan, Keanu Reeves, George Lucas, etc. What a way to truly revitalize American film!

But it won’t. At best, whatever collaboration happens will be more like a bastardization, a nauseating blend of three hour Men in Black sequels and ten-minute dance numbers featuring CGI aliens set to Smith’s latest track built on a ten-second sample of a 70s hit.

Get ready, the Fresh Prince of Bombay will soon summon you.

--Stephen McClurg