Baked Ziti with Fake Ground Beef

It seems like a Sopranos-on-DVD bender is all upside, but that's not the case. Inevitably, you wind up feeling a little unsettled about the complex moral universe Tony and the other charcters inhabit, and more than a bit disturbed at your own willingness to cheer on horribly violent solutions to problems that befall characters you've been duped into rooting for. You also wind up hungry after the nonstop talk about Italian food.

We can't help you with the moral complexities, but we're more than happy to offer up a solution to the Italian food hunger. So, pouring a 40 over the side of the boat in honor of our man Big Pussy, American Nerd is proud to present our recipe for Baked Ziti with Fake Ground Beef.

• 1 package fake ground beef (Morningstar Farms' recipe crumble is our preferred fake ground beef, although the Boca version is perfectly fine, too. If you're down with meat, you could always use a pound of lean ground beef)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 bell pepper, chopped; any color, although we like red.
• 1 14.5-ounce can diced tomatoes, undrained
• 1 8-ounce can tomato sauce
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil (you could use dried, but why? Life is short, especially in a world full of mobsters)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried leaf oregano
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 8 ounces ziti, tubini, or penne; cooked and drained
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided into 2 1-cup portions

Saute the onion, and bell pepper in olive oil in a large skillet, adding the fake ground beef after a few minutes; cook until onions are tender and fake meat is thawed.

Add tomatoes, tomato sauce, basil, oregano, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. Stir well; stir in pasta and 1 cup of the cheese. Transfer this mixture to a 2 1/2-quart casserole. Spread the remaining cup of cheese on top, sprinkling with dried oregano and basil. Bake 'er at 350° for 25 to 30 minutes.

Then eat yourself senseless and imagine yourself as Paulie Walnuts.
--Keith Pille