bryan: I recently cracked a few ribs, so I'd be devoured in seconds...  but I'd send as many back to Hell as I could...  stupid little shits...

Chad Cook: Assuming the dachshunds are working independently and not part of a collective kill machine, I would rate my chances as good to very good.  The dachshund has some serious issues: 1) It gets high-centered on anything taller than a twinkie and 2)  With legs that short and a belly that big, anything over 3 ft tall is completely unattainable.  I'd be surprised if 500 dachshunds could escape the playland at McDonald's, much less hunt down and destroy a human adult.

Reed Miller: I think my chances would be pretty good. I'd run away and get into my car. Any that managed to attach themselves to me could be ripped off pretty easily. I might lose some blood, but I wouldn't die unless they managed to puncture the jugular, so I'd have to make sure to protect that. Once in my car I'd drive away as fast as possible with the horde of wiener dogs chasing me. They'd try to catch my car, but their short little legs don't move very fast. Soon they'd keel over with exhaustion. I'd get out on the Interstate where they couldn't survive chasing me in traffic. When they seemed to all be gone, I'd find a hospital.

Keith Pille: I guess I like my odds, but it's far from a sure thing. They look pretty silly, but wiener dogs are vicious little bastards; ask a badger. If you ever wound up on the ground, it'd be over, and it wouldn't be pretty. And they'd know that-- you'd better believe they'd all be trying to bite your Achilles tendon.

I think I could evade 'em, but any mistake would be fatal. And that knowledge would probably make me nervous and more likely to slip up. I'll say one chance in three that I wind up on the ground being ripped to shreds by a bunch of angry little German dogs.

Don Pizarro: Slim to none.  I know, because a friend of mine has a
dachshund, and let me tell you this is the smartest dog I've ever seen.  She (the dog) understands English perfectly.  If she loses her ball, all you have to do is verbally explain where it is, and she goes right to it.  She can crawl through any opening and keeps looking until she finds one.  She cannot be restrained without difficulty (she's a mini, so she's small and squirrelly) and quick, too.  She's manipulative, and not in that cutesy dog kind of way, either.  She knows how to play both ends against the middle.  If she, and 499 of her friends (if they were even half as smart) wanted me dead, I'd be vapor.  I'm talking Yakuza-style.

Simon Riordan: This is all situation dependent.  However, I think that if 500 of anything was bound and determined to see you die, you would not stand much of a chance.
That said, here are my estimates based on scenario:
Surrounded = 25%
Charging = 90%
Dropped in a dog-fighting pit = 0%
On a riverboat casino = 50%
At the Mall of America = 75%
At work, at my desk = 50%
At home = 75%
On a metro bus with Keanu Reeves = 100%

Jonathan Shipley: First off, am I armed? If so, I think I'd fare well. For instance, if I had a flame thrower those wiener dogs wouldn't stand a chance. If, however, I'm alone with nothing but my wits, I STILL think I would not die. See, I'm fast. I run to my bus every day on the way home. I have a freakish body fat ratio. My legs are like concrete, I swear. So, if I was walking down the street and 500 wiener dogs came charging towards me, I'd turn and run. My legs are long. Wiener dog legs are short. I'd pull ahead of them immediately and have them suck my dust within a block or two. If, however, I don't have the ability to run because, say, I'm in my living room, I STILL think I would not die. See, I'm tall. I grow every day. I have a freakishly tall features. My arms and legs are elongated, I swear. So, if I was in my living room watching the Mariners lose another baseball game and 500 wiener dogs raged into my house I'd simply stand on the sofa. They're small. They couldn't reach me. If they could, I luckily have a flame thrower right near the sofa.

Grant Weeks: I would stand no chance against the 500 dogs if they are very determined. If they are partially determined my odds would be about 1 in 10 to survive. If they dogs were flat out lazy I'd have a 1 in 5 chance of surviving. Although a lot of these numbers depend on if I'm very determined to survive, and for that the odds are about 1 in 2.

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