american nerd survey

What song lyrics have you misunderstood/misinterpreted to the greatest, most hilarious effect?

Mark Kalar: I have no personal tales of hilarity to share, but I once heard a comedian say that he thought the Steve Miller "Jet Airliner" song was actually "Big Old Jed Had a Light On" which I think would've been a much better song.

Keith Pille: 1994 was my peak year for Pearl Jam fandom, and I spent most of it thinking that the chorus to “Glorified G” (“glorified version of a pellet gun”) was “Glorified virgin on a pelican.” I guess I thought it was some sort of commentary on Catholicism.

Just last year, I thought that Low's “Just Stand Back” included the rather pretty line, “here comes the night, you'd better just stand back.” Nope. Here comes the KNIFE. That song's full of neck-slitting surprises.

Don Pizarro: My senior year in the university's big band, the then-new director decided he wanted to add vocalists. In fairness, any new vocalist added to a big band that didn't previously have one is always going to be seen as a douche by the musicians, especially when they force a change in repertoire from Basie, Nestico, and Mintzer charts to, well, pap (though it got much better later on). So, this guy garbled the lyrics to the first line of the standard "Imagination" during rehearsal. It almost sounded like he sang, "Ejaculation is funny." And thus, the trumpet section had a semester's worth of amusement at the singer's expense. What a douche!

Of course, last I heard, he's singing with a major big band and I'm sitting here, a decade later, remembering my old jazz trumpet teacher's words that if I could stick it out for long enough, I could've been "a badass by twenty-three." I need a drink.

Jenn Whigham: When I was in seventh grade, I was convinced that Paul Young, in his song "Every time You Go Away," was singing: "Every time you go away / you take a piece of MEAT with you." My music teacher played that song during class to prove a point about who knows what (shitty pop music, maybe), and I sang along, loud and clear, much to the delight of the 13-year-old boys behind me who kindly volunteered their meat to be taken away.