american nerd survey

With what well-known personage would you least like to share a cubicle?

Jay Bauer-Clapp: Wilt Chamberlain (provided he was still with us)
a) I like my leg room, and sharing a cube with The Stilt would leave little space for me.
b) Wilt's tales of his professional and personal "exploits" would severely diminish my productivity and my ego, and would probably grow tiresome quickly.
c)  People taller than 6'2" freak me out.

Valerie Borey: Roseanne Barr and/or Kathy Griffin.

Joel Jensen: I'm going with Julia Roberts.  I just can't abide her.  Does that need an explanation?  On the other hand, I would give my left arm to share a cubicle with William Shatner.

Stephen McClurg: I fear enclosed spaces with radio station political "pundits" and "funny" guys, especially those of the morning show variety.

Keith Pille: Dr. Phil. The last thing I need is a constant stream of tough-love “advice” larded with pop-psych catch phrases and self aggrandizement. Fuck you, jack, I don't feel like getting real. It'd just be a matter of time before I lost my temper and took a swing at him. And Dr. Phil's a big guy; he'd probably kick my ass, and I'd have that to feel bad about, too.

Jesus. I get mad just thinking about it.

Don Pizarro: Before I knew anything about John Bolton, our U.N. Ambassador, I saw some video footage and as soon as he opened his mouth, I knew this was a person better suited to be the Dean of Discipline at an all-male prep school.  I could see him (as I bet he sees himself), yardstick in hand, with that face of his that says, "I truly, truly don't give a crap about how unfair you think I am."  You just can't work with a guy like that.

Simon Riordan: The Dalai Lama.  Enlightening, yes, but would this guy ever join a bitch session?  About anything?

Katie Sheehan: While I fully acknowledge and admire their moments of creative genius and brave-hearted tenderness, I'd be least excited about sharing a cube with nearly any male hip-hop artist, mainstream or otherwise. It's tough to get through that TPS report when your cube-mate's ego demands constant nursing:

"Pumpkin, I agree wholeheartedly that your beats are the freshest, your rhymes the cleverest, and your collating abilities above and beyond that of Julie in marketing. But right now the copier's down, and I'd be thrilled if you could hustle up some toner."

Runners-up include, but are not limited to, Rasputin, Jimmy Swaggart, and Jenna Elfman.

Jonathan Shipley: Jabba the Hutt.

Clint Weathers: I would not like to share a cube with Elvis. Mostly because he's dead and quite stinky by now, I'm sure.



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