You stupid blockheaded dung pile, America. Stupid! You didn't watch Arrested Development and now it's gone. They've cancelled it. Do you realize what you've done?! You're watching, what, CSI: Raleigh,starring Ned Beatty and a buffed up Jonathan Silverman and taken away the greatest show on television. Nice move, America. It's like you were in an art gallery and instead of walking up to see Van Gogh's Sunflowers you chose instead to see Ned Steinbutz's velvet painting Clown with Kitten. It's like you walked into a restaurant and ordered nachos instead of Beef Wellington even though they were the same price. It's like you went to see Alien Versus Predator instead of Sideways. Oh, wait, you did, America. Stupid dung pile.

Arrested Development was hilarious. It had winning writing with smart, unusual plots you don't find anywhere else on television. Sort of like Sports Night did. And Freaks and Geeks. You didn't watch those shows either. Shame on you. Those shows are not your sensibility, eh? According to Jim. That's more your style. Fantastic, thanks America. Why try and elevate ourselves when its easier to sack out on the sofa with Jim Belushi.

The actors were first rate too, you know. Sure, it's not Paris Hilton, or Matt LeBlanc, or everyone on UPN, but it had Jason Bateman. THAT Jason Bateman. Yes, he's gone now. I hope it's not the last I see of him. He was Rick Schroeder's friend on Silver Spoons. Remember? Ricky got busted one episode when he went with Jason Bateman to a Duran Duran concert. That episode was awesome. Jason Bateman also has a nice haircut. Next time I go into Yo Lin Dong's Hair and Nails on 85th I'm going to ask for "The Bateman." And Portia de Portia, or wha tever her name is. The hot girl from "Ally McBeal" who's a lesbian in real life but is really hot anyways. Lesbians can be hot. Straight women can be hot, too. A lot of women are hot and you missed your chance to see Portia in her best role. Oh, don't fret, America. You can probably find hot people on American Idol and vote for them (more than you vote for your politicians, you rejects). Henry Winkler and Scott Baio were in the show too, you know. And Ron Howard narrated the whole thing. Yes, Henry, Scott, and Ron. Happy Days happy time right there on Arrested Development. Pat Morita wasn't on the show though. He won't be any time soon. He just died. You, America, are probably to blame. And Charlize Theron was in it. That's right. Better turn off the TV. The sight of Charlize Theron makes one queasy. You dumb chumbucket.

I'm full of rage, I am. Really. It's your fault, America. All you had to do was watch the freakin' show. Would it have been so hard? You would have laughed. You would have loved it. I did. But you've ruined it for the rest of us. You're to blame. The finger is pointed at you. Yeah, that finger. I'll survive, sure, but can you, America? I mean, how dumb do you have to be before you're no longer a country but a collection of bobble headed sheep eager to see whom the next Bachelor chooses? If the world was a classroom and the countries students, America would be the one with the pointy hat standing in the corner staring at the wall. How stridently uncultural can you make yourself? You're worse than a velvet painting. You're a faux velvet painting. No, strike that, all painting is art no matter how bad and you're terminally artless. You're just faux. That's it, faux, sitting in your suburban home with your Wal-Mart belongings happily nestled in your Pottery Barn sofa eager for another episode of Joey. You're stupid.